Dear Miss Rae,

How can I help a student who has ZERO coping skills?

My student is a sweet girl who greets her teacher with a hug every day.  She can follow routines. She rarely shuts down in class, but when she does it is around academics.  When things are hard for her, she completely gives up. Her shutting down is crying and quiet. She will cover her face with her hair, but she does not ask for help.  She does NOT like making mistakes. Help me so I can help her! Because the truth is I don’t know how to help her!
~Anonymous

Approximately 4.4 million students, aged 3-17 years, have been diagnosed with anxiety (Ghandour, et al., 2018).

So teaching coping skills in schools is a must!

Coping means to make a conscious effort to solve problems and master, minimize, and handle stress or conflict!

Here are some coping strategies that I teach to my students:

ONE:  Deep Breathing!

Oxygen helps our bodies relax.  Have students breathe in through their nose, expand their bellies, and then, breath out.  Try using a pinwheel or bubbles! As students breathe out, get the pinwheel to spin or make some bubbles float into the air!

TWO:  WRITE ABOUT FEELINGS!

Writing helps students get their feelings out and learn from them.  Give students time to free write about their feelings. This is a private place to confess how they feel.  Writing down anxious thoughts helps take them away and allows students a chance to vent their frustrations.  Through writing, students are able to connect and listen to themselves as well. This self-reflection allows them to evolve and gain control over their own thoughts.
​
Try these writing activities for stress:
*Keep a worry journal.  Have students write down the worries they are feeling, but then, end with one positive feeling.  This helps to break the negative thinking cycle!
*Start a feelings journal.  Students write one feeling (i.e. happy, mad, sad, scared) on a page.  Students should then think of something that gave them this feeling. Write or draw about what happened.
*Write and Rip!  In this activity, students write or draw their worries on a piece of paper.  They can read them to themselves, a teacher, counselor, or peer (if they choose).  Then, rip up the paper and throw it away.
*Use a question and answer activity to help students process and reflect on their stress experiences.

Three:  FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE!

Get students to change their thinking!  Oftentimes, when we are anxious, we engage in negative self-talk.  How we talk to ourselves affects our outlook on the world. So help students change their mindset!  

Teach positive self-talk!  Brainstorm ways to revise negative talk.

Instead of…

I can’t make this any better.

Try…

What can I improve?

Instead of…

I can’t do this.

Try…

I have to practice.

Instead of…

This is too hard.

Try…

This may take some time.

Instead of…

I’m never going to get this.

Try…

I’ll use a different strategy.

Instead of…

I made a mistake.

Try…

Mistakes help me learn.

Create lists!  Students can create gratitude lists of things they are thankful for.  They can also create favorite lists. Creating a list of things students love to do gives them choices when they are stressed out.

Four:  GET MOVING!

Exercise releases endorphins.  These are natural painkillers that the brain releases.  This helps to reduce stress. So get your kiddos moving!  Students can walk in place, run in place, dance, do jumping jacks, stretch, take a walk, or do some yoga all in their classroom!

Five:  RELAX!

Relaxing helps students to calm their minds and thus, regulate their emotions.

Create a calming corner within the classroom.  This gives students a place to go to for some relaxation time.  Students can ask to go to this safe space within the classroom. Once there, they can use a sand timer to track the length of their stay.  Then, they can engage in relaxing activities that are all available within the calming space. This could be fidgets, coloring books, clay, books, a mini sandbox, and more.  Teach your students how to use these tools to relax prior to introducing the space.

Teach students a trick to release this stress from their bodies:

Tense all of your muscles in your body (really tight...make fists even).  Hold your muscles tight for five seconds. Release. Notice how you feel. Repeat two to five times.

You can also teach tensing one muscle group at a time, holding for five seconds, releasing, pause to notice how you feel, and then, moving to the next group.
​

Six:  CREATE!

Let students create a character that represents their anxiety.  Have them talk to their character about ways to feel strong and deal with their anxiety.  Practice visualizing talking to this character. This will help students use this strategy in a moment of anxiety.

Have your students create video game remote controls for their anxiety.  Each button can be a strategy that works for the student. Practice pressing a button and using this strategy.

Create a worry box for the classroom.  Decorate a box for the classroom. Students can write their worries on a piece of paper and place them in the box.  

Seven:  TRACK THE DATA!

We use data to motivate our students in their academics so why don’t we do this with their stress.  Students can track their stress in a notebook in order to analyze it. Does their stress have a pattern?  Conference with your students to help them gain a deeper understanding of their stress. What was the catalyst for the student’s stress?  What was the antecedent to the stress? What was the consequence of the stress? What can a student do to prevent this pattern from continuing

For the most severe cases of students who lack coping skills, teachers can help them by creating IEP goals for them!

Sample IEP Goal:  
Given direct instruction, XXX will develop coping skills and strategies to manage frustrations in 3 out of 5 observable opportunities.

Sample Benchmarks/Objectives:  
1. XXX will be able to use calming strategies when frustrated (breathing exercise or counting backwards)  in 3 out of 5 observable opportunities.

2. XXX will be able to verbalize difficulties and accept when no further help can be offered for completing tasks or tests  in 3 out of 5 observable opportunities.

3. XXX will put forth effort when confronted with perceived difficult tasks  in 3 out of 5 observable opportunities.

Coping skills are skills that our students need to be successful in life - no matter where their journey takes them.  Let’s help them to have success in life!

Happy teaching!

By:  Miss Rae
​
References:
Ghandour RM, Sherman LJ, Vladutiu CJ, Ali MM, Lynch SE, Bitsko RH, Blumberg SJ. Prevalence and treatment of depression, anxiety, and conduct problems in U.S. children. The Journal of Pediatrics, 2018. Published online before print  October 12, 2018

• Don’t let your teacher life consume your personal life!  
  • Make YOU a priority!  
  • Always put yourself on your to-do list.  You are the most important factor in student success.  If you are unhealthy (emotionally, mentally, or physically), you cannot be there for your students!
• Choose healthy!
  • Get plenty of rest, take vitamins, exercise, and always put your health first!
• Exercise!
  • Research has proven it a million times over - exercise helps increase energy, improve concentration, decrease stress, and prevent depression.
• Plan to take a break!
  • Plan to take a break for 5 minutes every hour.  Turn your brain off, meditate, have a healthy snack, take a walk, and be amazed at how rejuvenated you will feel.
• Have self care strategies to combat  stress!
  • Have at least 3 self care strategies for relieving stress that are part of your weekly routine - and then have your secret weapons!
  • Make choices in your life to eliminate stressors.
  • Identify your triggers of stress.  Find strategies to help extinguish or alleviate those triggers.  
• Start and end on a positive note!
  • Set your tone for the day by starting off on a positive note...at home - meditate, workout, take a walk…at school - say “good morning” to staff and students, have a morning routine, sip some tea while you prep for your day...
  • End your day on a positive note...at home - say what you are thankful for today, say a prayer, read a book… at school - have an end of the day routine, prepare for the next day, say what you are thankful for, walk out the door with nothing to bring home...

​Get your

​TEACHER SELF CARE GUIDE

FREEBIE today!

When students push, give them a hug.

The first day I met Jon, he entered my class followed by one of the school’s many Crisis Interventions.  After exchanging some words, it appeared that Jon had not followed an instruction that he was given. The Crisis Interventionist was clearly angry, and Jon was clearly not.  And most obvious to me was that Jon was in control of the entire situation. He made the situation go the way he wanted. I respected him for that. I saw the leader in him. I also saw the challenge of fostering the POSITIVE leader in him.  

Over the next few months, Jon and I fostered a strong relationship.  He was a positive leader in our classroom community. I made sure to allow him to always feel safe and in control when he could be.  But then, one day, everything changed. He walked into class, told me he hated me, and then, proceeded to do everything in his power to show me how much he hated me.  

Jon had been diagnosed with something called Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD, as it’s known.

RAD is a condition characterized by markedly disturbed and developmentally inappropriate ways of relating socially in most contexts

When a baby is repeatedly comforted and cared for, an attachment forms with the caregivers.  Baby’s who have their needs met learn to love and trust others, develop healthy relationships, regulate emotional responses to situations, be aware of others’ emotions and needs, and have a positive self-image.

On the other hand, when a baby experiences abuse and neglect at the hands of caregivers, attachments do not form.  Failure to establish these expected bonds negatively impacts children, leading to possible depression, irritability, and mistrust and/or fear of trusting adults or peers.  

Repeated abuse and neglect can leave children at-risk for RAD.

The signs and symptoms of RAD include the following…
-Failure to reach out when picked up or interest in peek-a-boo
-Unexplained withdrawal, fear, sadness or irritability
-Sad and listless appearance
-Not seeking comfort or showing no response when comfort is given
-Failure to smile
-Watching others closely but not engaging in social interaction
-Failing to ask for support or assistance

But RAD is a rare disorder.  The majority of children who experience repeated abuse and neglect, including those that have been bounced around to multiple caregivers and experienced abuse and neglect with each, do not develop RAD.

Wait!  What?! How is it rare when I can think of at least 3 students in my classroom that exhibit these symptoms?!

Modern-day students make this disorder feel like the norm, right?!  

Some of our students have been hurt and let down by adults in the past.  When something happens to someone over and over, it becomes an expected behavior.  So instead of being let down by another adult who you have started to care about, why not push them away?  Isn't that easier? Then, that adult can't hurt you. That adult can let you down like all of the others have. 

Not only did Jon state in front of the whole class how much he hated me, he also continued to tell them why he hated me, including my stupidity and ugly appearance in his tirade.  He refused to participate in morning meeting, getting two others to follow his choice after explaining how boring morning meeting is. During reading, he broke the picture of my puppy on my desk and twenty minutes later, threw a chair at me.  And at the end of the day, I told him that I didn’t know what I had done to upset him, but I couldn’t change unless he told me. I also told him that I cared for him, I didn’t like to see him this upset, and tomorrow is a new day!

The next day he came in and quietly observed the class for the day, never once speaking to me.  

At the end of the day, I told him that I was happy to see that he seemed less angry, but I missed the old Jon.  Tomorrow would be a new day.

After that, Jon acted as if those two days never happened.  He did push again at times, but never so intensely. 

Trauma leaves an impact.  No matter the trauma, a person’s brain is essentially altered in terms of thinking, emotional regulation, and response to fears.

So when a student pushes you away, don't let them.  Instead, let them know that you are not like the other adults who have let them down in the past.  Let them know that you are not going anywhere. They aren't going to be able to push you away - just give it up, kid 

When students push, give them a hug.

By: Miss Rae

Calling all teachers!!!!  Does this sound familiar???

“Suzy isn’t friends with me anymore.  She called me a bad name at lunch.” ...or...

“Boys and girls, we have been so chatty in our groups that we are not finishing our work.”  ...or how about...

“Johnny keeps cutting me in line.”  ...or...

“Class, the rule is that we are silent when we travel as a class in the hallway.  We have been late to lunch all week because our line has to keep stopping and waiting for students to stop talking.”

 And how about these???

“I read this math problem.  Now what? How do I solve this math problem?”

“Why did the American Revolution happen?  I don’t see where it says it in the text.”

“Who knows why the character chose to do that?  What was she thinking?”

And then, there are the questions we ask ourselves:

How do we teach our students to independently problem solve???

How do we teach them how to solve their social conflicts???

How do we teach them to challenge themselves in their own learning in order to grow as a learner???

Our students do not know how to solve problems!  They have not learned how to analyze problems before jumping right in!

So, here is what I do! ​

I use the Analyzing a Problem Classroom Protocol!  And I use it in my academic content area instruction AND for solving classroom management issues!

Analyzing a Problem Classroom Protocol includes a step-by-step structured approach for students for analyzing problems prior to attempting to solve them!  This protocol gives educators an approach to follow to work together in order to solve classroom community and academic problems!

Analyzing a Problem Classroom Protocol:
​
-Presenter describes the problem and asks a focus question.
-Group members ask clarifying questions.
-The Facilitator facilitates Response Rounds, eliciting responses from each group member to the presented problem.
-The Presenter should take notes throughout the process and then reads the notes aloud.
-The Presenter asks “What options for solution did our group present?”
-Make a list of the solutions.

Optional:  Debrief the team process:  What were the team’s strengths? Difficulties?  What helped the team work together? How can difficulties be improved next time?

Happy problem solving!

​By Miss Rae

You might also like...

Humans are rooted in emotion so let's build the roots of our education by teaching and supporting emotional learning!  ...but how can we possibly add another content area into our day??? How about we infuse Social Emotional Learning into our already existing curriculum?!

One way I infuse SEL into my read alouds!  

Self-Management - ability to successfully regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, stress, impulses, & behaviors in different situations &  work toward personal & academic goals

Elementary:
Interrupting Chicken by David Ezra Stein

Mouse Was Mad by Linda Urban

Middle School/High School:
Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli

Fast Break by Mike Lupica
​

Self-Awareness - ability to assess one’s strengths & challenges & correctly identify one’s own emotions & how they influence situations & others

Elementary:
The Orange Shoes by Trinka Hakes Noble

Carla’s Sandwich by Debbie Herman

Middle School/High School:
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

Counting by 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan
​

Responsible Decision-Making - ability to make constructive, socially acceptable, & ethical choices about personal behavior & social interactions

Elementary:
Hooper Humperdink..? Not Him! By Dr. Seuss
​
The Summer My Father Was Ten by Pat Brisson

Middle School/High School:
House Arrest by K.A. Holt

Parrot in the Oven: Mi vida by Victor Martinez
​

Relationship Skills - ability to establish & maintain healthy & positive relationships with diverse groups through clear communication, good listening skills, positive collaboration, & conflict resolution

Elementary:
A Sick Day for Amos McGee by Philip C. Stead

Hooray for Hat by Brian Won

Middle School/High School:
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

The Crossover by Kwame Alexander
​

Social-Awareness - ability to take the perspective of & empathize with others, including people from diverse backgrounds & cultures
​
Elementary:
The Invisible Boy by Trudy Ludwig

Each Kindness by Jacqueline Woodson

Middle School/High School:
Freak the Mighty by W. Rodman Philbrick
​
The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros
​

And the core SEL skill that I also like to teach…

Say Something - empowerment to protect one’s communities & other individuals from negative influences

Elementary:
Say Something by Peggy Moss

Mary Wrightly, So Politely by Shirin Yim Bridges and Maria Monescillo

Middle School/High School:
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Monster by Walter Dean Myers

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
​

Whatever you choose to read, learn from it as a classroom community!

By Miss Rae

The news has never been my happy place, but it's been especially upsetting in 2018.  From mass shootings in places of worship and schools to mail bombings, our world is a scary place.  And obviously, we are all very upset about this.

But why are we not addressing mental illness in this country?!

Sometimes I feel like screaming.  There is never enough time in the day to get everything I need to get done.  I'm literally running at my highest capacity every minute of every day.  I've never felt so stressed in my life.

We are all running on high all day; intensifying and exhausting our emotional and mental capacities.  

Our students are feeling the same.

And now, we are both forced into the integrated experience of the classroom, where naturally, our actions and words affect the actions and words of others within the same microcosm of the classroom.  

Previously, students could be targeted and remediated on a case by case basis, but with today's prevalence, SUPPORTS MUST BE MAINSTREAMED.

And those supports MUST address our students mental health needs.

Okay, so this isn't going to be simple.  And we can start with baby steps.

In moments of heightened anxiety, we can stop, breathe, and re-center ourselves.  Similarly, if we insert these moments, forcibly, into our day, including our time with students, where we stop and breathe (i.e. a mindfulness activity, yoga, go noodle, etc.), we can stop running at such a high level, and perhaps, we begin to regulate our emotions as well.  

We need to teach this to our students because it does not come naturally anymore.  This is the world now.  This is us.  These are our students.

But how?


1. Build a Classroom Community

A classroom community means that students trust and support each other.  They feel safe to accept and give feedback and take risks.  

Spend the first month and some time each week throughout the year playing a classroom-based community-building game to build trust and problem-solving and cooperative learning skills.

2. Address SE (social emotional) needs

Start your Mondays off right - by addressing your students' social emotional needs!  

Welcome them into the week with a friendly morning greeting!  Ease them back with some conversation to set the tone... What's one thing you are looking forward to this week?  What's one thing that will make you happy this week?  What is your goal for this week?

3. Infuse SEL (social emotional learning) into our current content

We barely have time in the day to use the restroom, right?!  How could we possibly fit another block of time into our day to teach SEL?  Well, you don't have to.  Much of our current curriculum lends itself to SE learning skills.  Stories in history and ELA, games in Math, giving and receiving feedback, and working collaboratively in the science lab all lend themselves to SE skills.  What we do need, then, is professional development on SE skills!  Are you listening higher ups?

4.  Explicitly Teach Pro-Social Skills

Teach expected behaviors and do it explicitly.  State the rule, role play what the rule looks like and doesn't look like, discuss the rule, praise students you see displaying the rule, etc.

AND hold students accountable.  Consequences are a natural part of life.  Develop reasonable consequences that match infractions AND make sure they are enforceable.  Consequences must abide by the school rules, but they also have to be consequences that you are willing to implement.  If you say a student is going to stay in for recess, does the school allow this AND are you willing to give up your time to be inside with this student?

5.  Make Teacher Self Care a Priority

You are good to your students.  Be good to yourself!  The saying is true - you cannot pour from an empty cup.  Take care of yourself first!

​~By Miss Rae

One of the most important factors in behavior management is data tracking!

Without the data, interventions are just an opinion!  How do we know what’s working and what’s not working without the data?

We track the data!  Tracking the data is the way to change the behavior!

Let me give you an example of data tracking with a common classroom issue -
Swearing!

How do you handle a student who swears in your classroom?

For the minor offense (i.e. it slips out in conversation or out of frustration), I acknowledge it and I redirect...
“Let’s watch our language as that is inappropriate for school.”

(As with all redirections of behavior, you want to make sure you explain why you are asking for the behavior to be corrected.  Answer the question: What is the behavior’s negative impact?)

With a major swearing offended, you are going to take a different approach.  A student who chooses to swear or swears multiple times in one period is a major offender.

With these major offenders, DO NOT acknowledge the swear!

And I repeat - DO NOT!

By acknowledging the swear, you are actually reinforcing swearing.

INSTEAD...

start by obtaining a baseline.  You will get this if you have tracked the data or by tracking the data!

Example:  Cam swears 20 times in 60 minutes on average…

Next, have an honest conversation with your student...

"Your goal is to swear less and here’s why we need to reduce your swearing..."
Then, implement the intervention!

AND begin tracking the data!

The intervention is to reinforce the expected behavior.  When the student doesn’t swear...
"Oh good job, Cam!  Here's a merit for not swearing in the last 5 minutes."

Build the time frame of the reinforcer!  Depending on baseline data and continued progress monitoring data, the reinforcer (i.e.merits) can build toward a bigger reinforcer (i.e. lunch with the teacher, homework pass).  The reinforcer should be something reinforcing BUT within reason!

Over time, the reinforcer fades as the behavior is phased out!

Happy Teaching!
​
~By Miss Rae

Set a tone for your school year!

Icebreakers are effective and interactive team-building activities that typically precede the big event, and in our case, the big event is class!  They enable students to get to know each other in a relaxed setting and buy into the purpose of the event - learning! They also allow for diverse learning styles and opportunities to help each other.

Research has demonstrated that students will learn when they are physically, mentally, and emotionally involved.  Games allow educators to meet these needs.

Icebreakers convey a tone of working together through communication, support, and laughter.  

Here is an example of a back to school icebreaker:

The Name Game!

Materials:  soft tossable object, timer (optional)
Directions:

1. Stand in a circle.  Everyone should raise one hand.
2. Call one student’s name and toss the object to that student.  This student then keeps his/her hand down. The student who has the object should say “Thank you (insert name of person who tossed the object)”.  Then, the students calls another student’s name and tosses the object to that student. This student then keeps his/her hand down, says “Thank you (insert name of person who tossed the object)”, and chooses the next name.  This continues until each student has had the object and it is returned to you.
3. Next, time the group as they repeat the sequence in order of how the item was tossed in step 3.  This is the group’s baseline time.
4. Time the group as they repeat the sequence in order of how the item was tossed in step 3.  

Optional:

1. Discuss strategies to improve time.
2. Time the group as they repeat the sequence in order of how the item was tossed in step 3.  
3. Discuss strategies to improve time.
4. Time the group as they repeat the sequence in order of how the item was tossed in step 3.  
5. Debrief.

Variations:
Students stand in a line or sit in a circle. The first person says their name and a favorite thing.  The second person then says their name and a favorite thing, as well as the name and thing of the person before them.  Each person after that adds the names and items of all of the people before them.

Differentiation:
★ Have students say their name only
★ Do not time the students.  Simply use it for learning each others’ names.
Variation for the School Year:
•Instead of names, have students wear index cards or stickers…
••with sight words, vocabulary words, etc. on them.  Students will have to read and/or spell the word they are tossing to.
••with a math fact on them.  Students can say the fact and answer before tossing the object.
••with names of items in a sequence (think ABCs, planets, life cycles, events on a timeline, etc.) that students are learning about.  Students have to toss the object in the correct sequence.

Get a free pdf version HERE!

This activity and more can be found in my Back to School Small Group Activities resource!

​Have fun breaking the ice this year!

​~ By Miss Rae

On May 16, 2013, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, commonly referred to as the CDC, released a report compiling estimates of the number of children living in the U.S. with specific mental health disorders.  The report asserted 13 to 20 percent of children suffer a mental disorder in a one year time period.

The most prevalent parent-reported social emotional related diagnosis of children ages 3 to 17 years were as follows: attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (6.8 percent), behavioral or conduct problems (3.5 percent), anxiety (3.0 percent), and depression (2.1 percent).  Based upon the collected information completed during 1994 through 2011, the CDC’s report indicated an expected increase in the predominance of such conditions.

Negative emotions are correlated to lower levels of student engagement (Reschly, et al., 2008).  These negative emotions can stifle learners. Negative emotions can result in emotional deficiencies, and such deficiencies can result in academic derailment.

Positive emotions, on the other hand, were found to be correlated to adaptive behaviors.  This results in increased student engagement. As a result, adaptive behaviors, then, in turn, promote positive emotional skills such as an ability to handle change, work with a team, and improve interpersonal relationships.

The reality is that today's educators don't have a choice.  We MUST address our students' Social Emotional needs.

The second reality is that educators do not always know where to begin to even address such skills.  The budgets of school systems are bursting at the seams; finding the funds to provide professional development and a Social Emotional curriculum can be a moot point.

So what's the answer? 

We must infuse Social Emotional Learning into the curriculum, using our content as a springboard!

And here are some ways to do that!

1. STORIES!

Use the lessons, morals, character development, plot, theme, etc. to drive Social Emotional Learning conversations!  ​

Check out my Social Emotional: Short Story Empathy to learn how to teach Social Emotional Learning with texts!

Stories can provide a basis to prompt discussions and to determine a life lesson to be learned!​

2. ADVENTURE GAMES

Connect learning goals to cooperative learning games.  Think a Tug of War game to model the Revolutionary War AND elicit discussion around Social Emotional goals (i.e. How did the sides feel?)

Check out my Social Emotional Classroom Adventure Game:  Goal Setting to learn how to teach Social Emotional Learning with games!​

Games can prompt discussions around teamwork, setting goals, adjusting goals, and MORE!

Work hard, play hard, learn hard!

​~ By Miss Rae

References:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. [Mental Health Surveillance Among Children — United States, 2005–2011]. MMWR 2013;62(Suppl 2).
​
Reschly, A. L., Huebner, E., Appleton, J. J., & Antaramian, S. (2008). Engagement as flourishing: The contribution of positive emotions and coping to adolescents’ engagement at school and with learning. Psychology In The Schools, 45(5), 419-431. doi:10.1002/pits.20306